You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
