Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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