Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
