whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
