i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
