Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Small penises have feelings too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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