This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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