I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
