all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
