She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
