he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
