you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
