Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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