so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
