I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
