Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
