My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
