I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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