I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
