The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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