Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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