Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
