...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
