i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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