I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
