we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
love makes seman taste better
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
