is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
