Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
