She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
