I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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