After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
