you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
