the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
