:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
