I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
