I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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