two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
