She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
