i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
