loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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