Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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