He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
