is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
