i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
