Plan B is the new Plan A
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Im part way to drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
