i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
