i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
