Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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