Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
