i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
