i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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