The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
