So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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