I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
