He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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