i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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