I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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