I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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