She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
