Duck Duck Cougar?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
