it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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