im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize