I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
