Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
