I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?