More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic