I skipped work to stalk him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
