I CAN MOONWALK!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
