I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
