the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
