So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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