Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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